Tag Archives: positivity

Programmed for Positivity

As far as I know, there’s no organism on this world that pops outta the womb, shell, or earth and says, “Forget it, I’m done”, and rolls over to whatever fate finds it first.  Why then, with that seemingly prewired hopeful outlook, do we have such a hard time feeling positive?

Though it’s hard to argue the thought that we are all pre disposed to see the up side to things, somehow our experience often feels bleak.  Our wrinkly, grey thinkers do what thinkers do best and come up with numerous possible catastrophes bound to take place at any moment.

Creativity, a magnificent tool that brought us out of our caves, had a dark brother that likes to get carried away with late night stories around the recently discovered camp fires.  So despite our instinctual love for life, there exists also a healthy, or perhaps not so healthy, imagination that begs us to be weary.

In a world ever more connected and strangely new all at once, the modern imagination has an arsenal unparalleled by any generation that has come before.  Media can be both a help and a hindrance, as nothing spreads like bad news (something I challenge you to stop encouraging).  Even the social environment we live in often markets fear to us in a ploy to make us feel a need for the next new product.

So You have a choice to make. Feed the fire for the spooky story teller in your head and on your screen, OR find the inner spark of positivity that all life is built on. If you choose the latter, here’s a few things I’ve seen that are helpful:

 Reduce negative input – You bring about what you think about. Don’t believe me? Try thinking about how bad people drive before getting in your car next and note what happens. Better yet, try the opposite. By actively reducing negative input from news or your social interactions, your mind will have less fuel to create wild fires of fear in your head, and hence, your perception as well.

Plug in to positivity – Whether it’s music, happy news feeds, or feel good social groups, get involved with those good vibrations and watch them refurbish your perspective of life.

Practice gratitude – Some say write a list in the morning, others reflect on all they appreciate in the evenings, I say do it whenever you want, can, or just feel like.  Make it your spare moment activity.  Practice makes perfect, and having a grateful life is no exception.  It’s also one of the best ways to guarantee a positive life for you and those affected by you (everyone around you).

If all else fails, or you find yourself in a slump, as Dr. Seuss wisely says you’re bound to, remember this:  The world might be full of dangers, tragedies, and slumps, but an ever growing population of people still choose to get out of bed each day and make the most of it.  And guess what? You are one of them, so appreciate that!

Thank you for making my life that much more abundant with your presence, thoughts, and feelings,

Brett

P.S.  If you found this helpful or fun, please share it with someone you feel could benefit or enjoy it too.

The Damage of Worry & Concern

What is important to me is that we don’t avoid or attempt to control unfavorable or negative experiences. That would be impossible. Rather, let us maintain honest awareness of the situation, shed light and support for ourselves and for one another to learn how to address, not suppress, the matter. So we may come out as stronger people who have taken the opportunity for growth… out of love for the life experience; not fear, worry or concern of anything otherwise.

It is like nails on a chalkboard to me when people express worries and concern over the most petty things. Those who criticize over some judgement they’ve made from a fearful perspective or preach about “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” as if all of life fits into the safe box they’ve created in their mind. The reason this is a hard thing for me to swallow is because I used to be one of those people and I know what it feels like to live life in the perspective and idea that I can control the outcome of things.

Everyone lives differently and as parents, people, friends, partners, dog owners, employees, employers, students… whatever hat you wear, most of us approach and do things the best we can and how most of us feel is beneficial, healthy and loving to ourselves and those we care about. Beyond our approach to life, our meaning and purpose of what drives us to live and what we live for may also be very different. For those who’s goals are to live life avoiding as much pain and challenging times as they can, it might feel right to fit into a box of worry and concern.

For those of us who want to live an uninhibited, fearless life experience… I really want to express why being worried or concerned over little things are a serious disservice to you and are not love-building in relationships, let alone to your self-esteem and life perspective.
This is a large reason why we may come across as nonchalant, liberal people to some. Being worried over every single little thing is stressful, unhealthy and supports a fearful perspective that life is not abundant and deceivingly allows us to believe that we can control outcomes based on projected expectations, giving us a false sense of security.

The truth is, I cannot save myself, or those I love, like my child, from ever getting hurt… And being a child myself that was over-protected and sheltered, I have some bitterness over the fact that I wasn’t allowed to fall… Be it on the ground doing some physical activity or failing at something I couldn’t quite handle on my own. I grew to have so much fear of pain and failure that when life inevitably allowed those moments to happen (because it did) I did not know how to be accepting nor address them in a healthy way that allowed me to move through those challenging moments instead of being traumatized by them.

Let me make it clear that living fearless doesn’t mean living reckless, or having a false sense of immortality. But it does mean go out and live life, even if it means taking a risk, like getting into a car (that could befall a fatal accident) to travel to and enjoy a concert, a dinner, or time with friends.

The possibilities of negative events and outcomes are endless… Don’t just fear the most common things you hear via media or conjured from imaginings of the “worse things that could happen”. Be fair to the giving, abundant side of life and maybe start asking yourself, “What’s the best thing that could happen?”

Let go of fear, listen to your inner voice, do what feels right, with love… and you will see it can never lead you wrong. I hope this liberation for all.

-Marin
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Tired & Happy

Those two words don’t sound right together. Do you get cranky when you’re tired? Most of us do although being tired or sleepy doesn’t have to denote being cranky. So why does it happen then?

Most of us feel justified or surrender to the monster within when we don’t get enough sleep or have worn ourselves out. Subconsciously, we are resistant and not happy about the fact that we don’t have more energy to address life in each tired moment. Do I really have to patiently listen to this person’s useless conversation that’s not worth my precious time and energy at the moment?! Why won’t the kids stop inconveniencing my attempt to be efficient at cleaning up?!

The beautiful thing is being tired or sleepy doesn’t have to result in crankiness. In fact, I’ve found when I am tired & happy, being tired is not so bad after all. Things may not go the way the I want or expect, but it’s all groovy baby and im relieved of the torture and suffering that results in my dragging ass.

Here’s how you can kick the tired-monster to the curb:

  1. Be aware that you’re cranky and look for the resistance or unhappiness about your circumstance. Perhaps you had a big to-do list that just isn’t getting done?
  2. Accept how you feel: tired, like you won’t be able to finish the to-do list, afraid that you won’t have enough time tomorrow, etc. 
  3. Realize that being upset takes more energy that you don’t have.
  4. Choose to let it go. You can to your best to tackle the task at hand, but remember to focus on the most important things in your life, like being loving to those around you and keeping your inner peace. The list will get done when it gets done.

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Loving is not being a Pushover

Today was a little bit of a challenge for me. We had loaned some money to a company who’s debt is way overdue and its not fun when push comes to shove and things get to terms of legal action. Through this all, I am trying to find the lesson in it… I don’t think it’s: “Never trust people again.” And I certainly believe that all things serve the purpose of love.

With that notion, I thought of two things:
1. Being loving doesn’t mean, be a push over.
2. You can still be unconditionally loving and understanding even though you have to set conditions for certain situations.

It is really easy for my ego to withhold love when I feel someone is either undeserving or has done me injustice. I think we all can feel that way sometimes. It’s hard to want to love or understand someone when it feels like they’re taking advantage of your kindness and compassion. But putting the blame on someone, regardless of how unjust their actions are, is just a form of self victimization and victimization is neither freeing nor empowering.

I can truly say, while I despise the actions and the situation involving the owner of this company, I have no feelings of hate or dislike towards them. Once I take responsibility for my actions and feelings, it is easy to see how their actions and feelings don’t serve them any justice. I can actually see why they may be acting out the way that they are.

This doesn’t mean I don’t expect them to hold to the contract and pay us back. It just means with my understanding and forgiveness I free myself from resisting who that person is or how they are acting. I don’t have to stress about how inconsiderate, unfair, or dishonest they are being. The situation is where it is and now I am free to use my energy to do what I can to make it right.

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Doing Yourself an Injustice?

If there is one thing that can truly hinder our ability to live happily and unlimitedly, its fear. But today I want to talk about something equally hindering that we often overlook and that is: self victimization.

It’s funny how we embrace and welcome all the “good things” that come into our life, but when something goes slightly off or unexpected, it can really throw us for a loop. The reality of life is that the good comes with the bad. That’s just how it is, you can’t have one without the other. When the bad comes around the most debilitating thing we can do is find someone or something else to blame as if we’ve been served an injustice or as if we aren’t responsible for feeling the negativity that we experience.

The reason pointing a finger at something else or feeling bad for ourselves is seriously paralyzing is because:
A. It doesn’t attack the problem, there’s no solution when there’s only blame.
B. It takes the power to do something out of your hands and gives power to the person or thing you’re blaming.

The only thing self victimization does is trap us into shitty feelings about a shitty situation.

Some of the things I try to remember when I’m feeling attacked by life situations are:
1. Life is life. Stuff happens. Accept it.
2. It happened, now what? What can I do to address the situation or solve the problem?
3. Take action.

Not all things are going to go as planned or as expected. Expect unexpected circumstances and handle it when it comes. We don’t plan on tripping over a crack on the sidewalk and most of us don’t avoid sidewalks altogether because we fear it either. But when we trip, in that moment, we handle it. Sometimes we fall and give ourselves a good one, other times we catch ourselves. Keep you head clear from debilitating emotions and your instincts/gut intuition are free to guide you.

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Positivity in a Negative World

Someone asked me a really good question that I often wonder myself, “How can we feel safe and good about the world when there is so much bad news going on?”

Like anyone else, I easily get caught up in hopelessness and distraught when I hear stories about elementary school shootings, marathon bombings, rapes, murders, poverty, war, tragic car accidents, the list goes on… And to top it off, I go to work or hang out with friends and hear all the negativity they have to share in their lives; mom’s got cancer, filed for bankruptcy, car got robbed over the weekend, girlfriend cheated, etc.

Is it just me, or does the world feel like it’s about to fall off the deep end?

Some of the reasons we may feel this way is because our lives are surrounded by negativity. Most of us may not normally be negative people, but it creeps into our lives like a disease, striking us deep with the most debilitating emotion: fear. Fear has it’s place and it’s purpose, but when we are constantly building one fear after the next with little joy or feelings of hope, the world created in our perception is not a happy one. It leaves us feeling anxious and out of control.

The truth is, the world is coming together in so many ways and exponentially. An example is the power of the internet alone, had it not been for your curiosity or my ability to share this online, you may not have heard this particular positive message. In fact there are many ways to build more positive energy and perspectives in your life that are more equal to truth than the over-dramatized, fearful perspective the news, media, and personal assumptions have created for most of us.

Make the Choice to Decline Negativity. Everything from negative news, negative conversations with friends and colleagues, negative thoughts, and negative feelings. If you’re unsure whether it’s negative or not, ask yourself one question: Does it leave you feeling good to engage in the activity, behavior or conversation?

Seek Out Positivity. Find people who enjoy life and appreciate the abundance in it. Subscribe to an online positive news feed, or join a local group with positive intentions. The YouTube Community that has formed around our family videos has provided us with endless amounts of positive people with positive energy. It is amazing and surprising! You can never have too much positivity in your life.

Stay Honest With Yourself. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of what is truly a positive or negative influence in our lives. It maybe a difficult factor to eliminate, ie. A negative spouse or family member. Although these things can definitely makes things more challenging, it is still YOUR choice to absorb and focus on their negativity or change the subject/activity to something more positive.

One a last note, for every “good” there is an equal an opposite “bad”. Although you may take these steps towards a more positive lifestyle, it does not mean negativity will never come your way. In fact, you may be feeling so good with all this newfound positivity, that any form of negativity may seem drastically harsh and unappealing. Keep in mind it is just the normal contrast of Life’s Balance; the yin and the yang, light and dark… And continue to move on, using energy to spiral more positivity into your life which in turn infects the world with more good news and good energy.

Love to you all,
Marin

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Negative Triggers

There have been times in my life where I feel like I’m bipolar. The question that arises is, “How can such a happy person like me, who recognizes and is grateful for all her abundances, feel so angry and down sometimes?” The stark differences between the good days and my unhappy moments are so drastic that it is difficult not to feel like there is something wrong with myself.

I want to talk about negative triggers. Our brain learns from the past for many reasons, one being to protect ourselves from danger or hurt. Often, if we have been emotionally hurt in the past, things that occur in the future can seriously set off our subconscious, upwelling those same feelings of hurt and confusion. They are so deeply rooted that this perspective or person we become feels a little, well, crazy to how we are used to ourselves being.

It’s easy to be afraid of these triggers reoccurring, so we try to control the circumstances around us to avoid those horrible feelings. However, it doesn’t necessarily dissolve or change the fact that is exists. Negative triggers are just subconscious habits and like all habits we can change them. It is not an easy feat, especially since the feelings negative triggers produce are powerful and often feel true at the moment.

I hope this step by step guide I have developed for myself can help you start gaining more confidence that you no longer have to be the victim of past triggers and you can start doing something about it now

  1. Welcome Triggering Situations: We cannot Change the “problem” if we avoid the whole problem altogether. Avoiding it will only burry and deepen the problem that exists. 
  2. Identify the Trigger: You may not know what and why, but you can recognize the feelings, “Oh this feels very bad and very familiar, I must have been triggered.”
  3. Remove Yourself from the situation and anyone who might have caused the trigger: When we are triggered, the most difficult thing is not to react. Remember, these are deeply rooted habits to serve a purpose: protecting ourselves. Unfortunately, these habits are slightly misinformed and cause more harm than good. Leaving the situation allows us to get space to “work” on changing these habits without further triggering or interruption. 
  4. Allow & Observe Triggering Effects: The trigger has already happened. Trying to fix or avoid it at the moment is like trying to stop a bullet once it’s left the barrel of the gun. We need to back off and watch where it lands. I like to sit alone and write it all down.  It allows me to look back when I am in my “sane mind” and see how insane my thoughts and feelings were. 
  5. Be Patient with the Process: Triggers can set us off for minutes or sometimes days. The sooner you can reach true allowing & observing, the sooner those feelings will let go. Resistance to what happened or to your feelings will only prolong the negative experience. 
  6. Reflect: Once you feel “normal” reflect on your thoughts and feelings during your triggered state of mind. Identify where the belief system comes from and if it is true. Fear of the possibility of it’s occurrance is different from whether or not it is actually true.
    (Ex. “My boyfriend told me he never loved me and that he wants to break up.” The fear maybe that you are unlovable or unworthy of love.)
  7. Give yourself Compassion & UnderstandingOne thing we lack in this culture is the ability to express ourselves negatively. It’s been unacceptable for so long to be negative that when natural human feelings occur, we don’t know how to express them. As a result, these feelings become suppressed, deep down, forming triggers instead of receiving the compassion and understanding they need to let go an move on.
    Give that to yourself, it’s so important.

This process is not a comfortable one when going through it, but you will find with practice, each situation becomes more quickly managed and less emotionally painful.

AUTHOR’S TIP:
On a last note, I want to share,  in my experience refined sugars deeply effected my sensitivity to triggers and my ability to handle them consciously. Most often I was susceptible to my worst triggers about 2-5 days after consuming refined sugars.
Try to acknowledge things in your life that may not be so immediate to the circumstance that could be hindering you from approaching or handling triggers well.
Ex. Sugar, Dairy, Wheat, Caffiene, drugs, certain people, certain environments, pornography, having sex, etc.

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