Tag Archives: positive perspective

Programmed for Positivity

As far as I know, there’s no organism on this world that pops outta the womb, shell, or earth and says, “Forget it, I’m done”, and rolls over to whatever fate finds it first.  Why then, with that seemingly prewired hopeful outlook, do we have such a hard time feeling positive?

Though it’s hard to argue the thought that we are all pre disposed to see the up side to things, somehow our experience often feels bleak.  Our wrinkly, grey thinkers do what thinkers do best and come up with numerous possible catastrophes bound to take place at any moment.

Creativity, a magnificent tool that brought us out of our caves, had a dark brother that likes to get carried away with late night stories around the recently discovered camp fires.  So despite our instinctual love for life, there exists also a healthy, or perhaps not so healthy, imagination that begs us to be weary.

In a world ever more connected and strangely new all at once, the modern imagination has an arsenal unparalleled by any generation that has come before.  Media can be both a help and a hindrance, as nothing spreads like bad news (something I challenge you to stop encouraging).  Even the social environment we live in often markets fear to us in a ploy to make us feel a need for the next new product.

So You have a choice to make. Feed the fire for the spooky story teller in your head and on your screen, OR find the inner spark of positivity that all life is built on. If you choose the latter, here’s a few things I’ve seen that are helpful:

 Reduce negative input – You bring about what you think about. Don’t believe me? Try thinking about how bad people drive before getting in your car next and note what happens. Better yet, try the opposite. By actively reducing negative input from news or your social interactions, your mind will have less fuel to create wild fires of fear in your head, and hence, your perception as well.

Plug in to positivity – Whether it’s music, happy news feeds, or feel good social groups, get involved with those good vibrations and watch them refurbish your perspective of life.

Practice gratitude – Some say write a list in the morning, others reflect on all they appreciate in the evenings, I say do it whenever you want, can, or just feel like.  Make it your spare moment activity.  Practice makes perfect, and having a grateful life is no exception.  It’s also one of the best ways to guarantee a positive life for you and those affected by you (everyone around you).

If all else fails, or you find yourself in a slump, as Dr. Seuss wisely says you’re bound to, remember this:  The world might be full of dangers, tragedies, and slumps, but an ever growing population of people still choose to get out of bed each day and make the most of it.  And guess what? You are one of them, so appreciate that!

Thank you for making my life that much more abundant with your presence, thoughts, and feelings,

Brett

P.S.  If you found this helpful or fun, please share it with someone you feel could benefit or enjoy it too.

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Say Okay to Life

Life comes at you hard and fast sometimes.  Often it’s tough to not take a defensive stance towards the constant borage of moment to moment life.  When you get jaded by the impossibility of saying no to life, and you really don’t feel like saying yes, remember there is always another option.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at my life and said, “Why? I don’t want this, I didn’t ask for this, and nothing can make me like it!”  Doesn’t stop it from being true, and since there’s no rule saying I have to like it, there’s only one other route.  Be OK with it.

The baby is screaming, the dog just pissed on the floor, and the two year old is in emotional turmoil over lunch options. Now I can’t instantly make everything right, and I certainly don’t like the predicament, but if I breath and focus, I can find acceptance for it.

“Great! Brett’s telling me it’s ok to roll over and let life happen.  What a load off!” Well not exactly, but I am suggesting you remove the strain by refraining from fighting what is.

Faced with a life or death situation, some people might freeze, but I think most find acceptance and optional escape routes rather quickly. Even in sports, the coach doesn’t say to the team, “Alright, just sit down for the next play, we’re finished.” He says, “Ok we’re down nine points with ten seconds on the clock.  We’re going to foul the hell out em, make faces while they shank all their free throws and sink three full court shots.  Let’s go!”  Irrational optimism aside, situations like these demand immediate acceptance, and are hence approached with clarity and little to no resistance. Bringing this sober matter-a-fact attitude to everyday struggles can dramatically reduce the “drama” associated with the problems we would otherwise want to resist.

Accepting life as it is lends the quickest assistance to living your day like you want. This is not a forfeit of action, merely a mindset of allowing that leads to more living and less worrying. Try it out, and if you have any thoughts on the matter, pipe up and share with the community.  Thanks gang,

Brett

 

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Ever feel bad for feeling bad? A common trap for us “positeevers” is to feel guilty about not always believing the world to be sunshine and roses. We reason with ourselves that there is no practical point in being grumpy. Yet somehow, we still are.

What’s going on here? Expectations have been made of ourselves to always be cheerful, and when we come up short, disappointment, like that we have for a misbehaving child, sets in. The bar is always set high by one’s self, and positivity, like any other goal, is not fun to feel a failure at.

Have we really failed though? Is it our expectation to never feel bad? Furthermore, is putting guilt on ourselves a good penance for having slipped down a dark path?

There is another way. It’s often referred to as acceptance. Guilt is a resistance to a current, unwanted outcome of an action performed in the past.

Can’t change the past though, and arguably, not the present either. You can only accept where you’ve been and where you are, and then go on living.

Acknowledging your state of mind allows you to realize that that is all it is. Once you see the origin of your guilt as a simple resistance in your way of thinking, it tends to melt away. The argument dissolves when you stop fighting the way you feel.  When there is no opponent to your crummy attitude, the attitude is left to heal itself, as there is nothing else for it to do.

I encourage you to try this simple approach for yourself, and please remember to let us know how it works. Extreme honesty will be required, but I am confident you can find peace when you stop denying yourself the experience of unhappiness. Sit with your upset, look it in face and watch its reality melt away.

Thanks for reading.  Till next time,

Brett

How Powerful is Thought?

All too often we give the past and our fears of the future too much power over our ability to live and experience life freely. We have all heard phrases such as, “Mind over matter” or “What you think about, you bring about”, but how much of that is really true?

When I first decided on a natural childbirth I was 100% sure I could easily do it and that I would come out stronger and more confident on the other side. But for those who have witnessed The Birth of Love (my first child), they would know that easy and confident are  two words that would not describe that labor and delivery.

My choice to share it on the Internet was to educate and inspire women; In fact I did just that… I educated young ladies about why not to engaged in sexual intercourse without foreseeing the consequences: Never mind raising a child, they didn’t even want to get to the giving birth part… And I inspired women to be sure they wanted to go to the hospital and get an epidural.

Big round of applause to me. Those were obviously not my goals.

I came out of my first birth physically traumatized with 7 painful stitches in the front and 2 months of bed rest. I remember thinking, “They said labor was hard, but no one told me about after labor!”

So what happened to all my confidence prior to the birth? Why did I not feel the strength I thought I would gain after a supposedly “beautiful” experience?
It all has to do with subconscious programming. Even though it made sense to bring my child into the world as intervention, drug-free as possible and how we’re naturally intended, as women, to do it… The ideas, images and thoughts on natural childbirth were scary in my subconscious mind! All I ever heard growing up was that childbirth was the most painful experience a woman would go through. And movies/TV shows proved this statement to be true, with images of women screaming their heads off on the hospital bed.

When I found out about our second pregnancy, I knew something had to change. I was not going to re-live the same experience again and I firmly believed it could be different. Once I decided on this perspective, everything seemed to fall into my lap including a birthing course called Hypnobabies, which focuses on teaching a medical grade self hypnosis technique, originally used for people who undergo surgery but are allergic to anesthetics. Self hypnosis, I found, was just meditation and self affirmation… a “reprogramming” of the subconscious mind and it’s beliefs.

I spent a several times a day learning to relax and affirming to myself that birth was easy, painless, and normal. I affirmed the idea that contractions felt calming and I deserve a quick, easy, painless childbirth.

I had no idea if these affirmations were working, all I knew was that I would do my best to trust it and well… the results were not what I expected. It was so much more than I ever thought possible. Unimaginably amazing:
Watch the Birth of Elovie

With this experience I can no longer deny the power behind our thoughts, beliefs and even subconscious programming; such as reading the news, watching tv or engaging in conversations with friends. I know my experience is something most people do not relate to, but I wanted to share it, along with the powerful images and experience of these videos because I believe anyone and everyone can make their entire life experience whatever they think or believe it could be.

So what are you programming your subconscious mind with on a daily basis? How would you change your thoughts and feelings about certain aspects of life if you could?

~Marin
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If I Didn’t Love Myself…

…how could I love anyone?  On a physical level this concept is simple: if I can’t take care of myself, my body, how on earth can I do that for another.  It baffles me to see doctors and nurses smoking on break, or overweight P.E. teachers sending kids on laps.  Just doesn’t make sense.  On the other hand, you typically don’t see health conscious parents running around with obese kids.  They have passed along their love and respect for their own bodies to the ones they care about “most”.

How can I take care of another, if I myself need taking care of? Pretty simple.

The mental aspect takes a little more self honesty.  We as humans have a tendency to see in others what irks us most about ourselves.  Even if that’s not the case, whatever judgements you are holding against yourself that keep you from loving who you are won’t stop at introspection.  Bottom line is, if you can’t be accepting of your own perfect imperfections, how on earth can you begin to do that for another.  And what is love, but acceptance of something for what it is?  Letting go of the judgement against yourself frees your mind to do the same for others.

So my challenge to you is to teach others to love themselves by being the example, you will be amazed at the effect it has on those around you, especially the ones you care for most.

-Brett
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The Damage of Worry & Concern

What is important to me is that we don’t avoid or attempt to control unfavorable or negative experiences. That would be impossible. Rather, let us maintain honest awareness of the situation, shed light and support for ourselves and for one another to learn how to address, not suppress, the matter. So we may come out as stronger people who have taken the opportunity for growth… out of love for the life experience; not fear, worry or concern of anything otherwise.

It is like nails on a chalkboard to me when people express worries and concern over the most petty things. Those who criticize over some judgement they’ve made from a fearful perspective or preach about “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” as if all of life fits into the safe box they’ve created in their mind. The reason this is a hard thing for me to swallow is because I used to be one of those people and I know what it feels like to live life in the perspective and idea that I can control the outcome of things.

Everyone lives differently and as parents, people, friends, partners, dog owners, employees, employers, students… whatever hat you wear, most of us approach and do things the best we can and how most of us feel is beneficial, healthy and loving to ourselves and those we care about. Beyond our approach to life, our meaning and purpose of what drives us to live and what we live for may also be very different. For those who’s goals are to live life avoiding as much pain and challenging times as they can, it might feel right to fit into a box of worry and concern.

For those of us who want to live an uninhibited, fearless life experience… I really want to express why being worried or concerned over little things are a serious disservice to you and are not love-building in relationships, let alone to your self-esteem and life perspective.
This is a large reason why we may come across as nonchalant, liberal people to some. Being worried over every single little thing is stressful, unhealthy and supports a fearful perspective that life is not abundant and deceivingly allows us to believe that we can control outcomes based on projected expectations, giving us a false sense of security.

The truth is, I cannot save myself, or those I love, like my child, from ever getting hurt… And being a child myself that was over-protected and sheltered, I have some bitterness over the fact that I wasn’t allowed to fall… Be it on the ground doing some physical activity or failing at something I couldn’t quite handle on my own. I grew to have so much fear of pain and failure that when life inevitably allowed those moments to happen (because it did) I did not know how to be accepting nor address them in a healthy way that allowed me to move through those challenging moments instead of being traumatized by them.

Let me make it clear that living fearless doesn’t mean living reckless, or having a false sense of immortality. But it does mean go out and live life, even if it means taking a risk, like getting into a car (that could befall a fatal accident) to travel to and enjoy a concert, a dinner, or time with friends.

The possibilities of negative events and outcomes are endless… Don’t just fear the most common things you hear via media or conjured from imaginings of the “worse things that could happen”. Be fair to the giving, abundant side of life and maybe start asking yourself, “What’s the best thing that could happen?”

Let go of fear, listen to your inner voice, do what feels right, with love… and you will see it can never lead you wrong. I hope this liberation for all.

-Marin
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Doing Yourself an Injustice?

If there is one thing that can truly hinder our ability to live happily and unlimitedly, its fear. But today I want to talk about something equally hindering that we often overlook and that is: self victimization.

It’s funny how we embrace and welcome all the “good things” that come into our life, but when something goes slightly off or unexpected, it can really throw us for a loop. The reality of life is that the good comes with the bad. That’s just how it is, you can’t have one without the other. When the bad comes around the most debilitating thing we can do is find someone or something else to blame as if we’ve been served an injustice or as if we aren’t responsible for feeling the negativity that we experience.

The reason pointing a finger at something else or feeling bad for ourselves is seriously paralyzing is because:
A. It doesn’t attack the problem, there’s no solution when there’s only blame.
B. It takes the power to do something out of your hands and gives power to the person or thing you’re blaming.

The only thing self victimization does is trap us into shitty feelings about a shitty situation.

Some of the things I try to remember when I’m feeling attacked by life situations are:
1. Life is life. Stuff happens. Accept it.
2. It happened, now what? What can I do to address the situation or solve the problem?
3. Take action.

Not all things are going to go as planned or as expected. Expect unexpected circumstances and handle it when it comes. We don’t plan on tripping over a crack on the sidewalk and most of us don’t avoid sidewalks altogether because we fear it either. But when we trip, in that moment, we handle it. Sometimes we fall and give ourselves a good one, other times we catch ourselves. Keep you head clear from debilitating emotions and your instincts/gut intuition are free to guide you.

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