Monthly Archives: August 2013

Childbirth: The Only Thing Harder for a Dad Than Menopause!

The title is just a joke really.  As a young father, the only experience I have with menopause is the memory of my father’s thinning skin coinciding with my moms hot flashes and the Battle Royale over the thermostat that ensued for the next few years.  Childbirth on the other hand is fresh in my mind and I wanted to share some thoughts on it to the aspiring dads out there… You woman can just laugh at our meager strife 😉

Childbirth for me was one of the most helpless times of my life.  Here I am, “Grand Protector and Provider”, watching clueless of what to do while “the parasite” (fairly accurate terminology given the circumstances) burrows its way out of what I would affectionately call my wife’s tenders.  She is in pain.  The one thing I’m supposed to prevent. “Stupid! Stupid!”  Well this is kind of how I felt our first time. There is hope though, and it starts before labor.

Firstly I think it’s important to realize right this instant that your wife is made for this.  Moving forward with this perception, this steadfast belief, as I think it should be, you are ready to prepare your wife, and yourself, for birth. Your support and encouragement through this miraculous process of pregnancy will set the framework for your wife’s belief in her own ability.  A healthy relationship is crucial, and I beg you not to underestimate the level of intimacy you can maintain or even create while your wife is pregnant.  Yes there will be times when she is an utter pain in the butt, and others when she has pains in her butt… but if you can foster a loving, understanding relationship with her, you will witness the blooming of a rare flower versus the impending doom of perpetually dark skies over your once peaceful abode.

Educate yourself on childbirth options.  If you are anything like myself, a westernized boy from a small family of four, the whole concept of childbirth is a foreign idea.  Our main source of education on the subject comes from tv and movies, which let me just say are far from reality. Don’t count on having your baby in the back of a cab on the way to the hospital because a tidal wave suddenly fell from between your wife’s legs, soiling her pretty flower covered maternity dress she was wearing.  Be informed that c- section is quickly becoming the norm in this country and understand why, and what a major operation like that means to you, your wife, and particularly that precious package she’s carrying.  Look into birthing centers, talk to midwives or your doc about what standard procedures are and what c- section rates he or she is delivering. All I’m saying is study your options… There are more than you think.

Most importantly though, learn to be positive!  Birth is a magically natural thing.  Get it in your head that it doesn’t have to be a traumatic experience. My wife’s first sounded like bloody murder from outside the house I’m sure.  Yes we had both ours at home, we are THOSE people.  But her second was so peaceful you could of heard a mouse fart through all of it.  Don’t believe me? Both videos are on YouTube (Birth #1 & Birth #2) for the very purpose of showing how a little focus and positivity can make all the difference in the world.  It takes changing our ideas, even our language about birth.  Empowering our women to do what is natural and instilling the belief that it can be both safe and peaceful is the real ticket to ensuring that menopause stays on top as the last mysteriously scary event for us husbands.

Believe me gentleman your wife wants and needs you during this time, and your role as protector and provider requires learning some helpful information that seems lost to our modern society and fostering positivity about this incredible process that encompasses the true essence of life.

-Brett
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How Powerful is Thought?

All too often we give the past and our fears of the future too much power over our ability to live and experience life freely. We have all heard phrases such as, “Mind over matter” or “What you think about, you bring about”, but how much of that is really true?

When I first decided on a natural childbirth I was 100% sure I could easily do it and that I would come out stronger and more confident on the other side. But for those who have witnessed The Birth of Love (my first child), they would know that easy and confident are  two words that would not describe that labor and delivery.

My choice to share it on the Internet was to educate and inspire women; In fact I did just that… I educated young ladies about why not to engaged in sexual intercourse without foreseeing the consequences: Never mind raising a child, they didn’t even want to get to the giving birth part… And I inspired women to be sure they wanted to go to the hospital and get an epidural.

Big round of applause to me. Those were obviously not my goals.

I came out of my first birth physically traumatized with 7 painful stitches in the front and 2 months of bed rest. I remember thinking, “They said labor was hard, but no one told me about after labor!”

So what happened to all my confidence prior to the birth? Why did I not feel the strength I thought I would gain after a supposedly “beautiful” experience?
It all has to do with subconscious programming. Even though it made sense to bring my child into the world as intervention, drug-free as possible and how we’re naturally intended, as women, to do it… The ideas, images and thoughts on natural childbirth were scary in my subconscious mind! All I ever heard growing up was that childbirth was the most painful experience a woman would go through. And movies/TV shows proved this statement to be true, with images of women screaming their heads off on the hospital bed.

When I found out about our second pregnancy, I knew something had to change. I was not going to re-live the same experience again and I firmly believed it could be different. Once I decided on this perspective, everything seemed to fall into my lap including a birthing course called Hypnobabies, which focuses on teaching a medical grade self hypnosis technique, originally used for people who undergo surgery but are allergic to anesthetics. Self hypnosis, I found, was just meditation and self affirmation… a “reprogramming” of the subconscious mind and it’s beliefs.

I spent a several times a day learning to relax and affirming to myself that birth was easy, painless, and normal. I affirmed the idea that contractions felt calming and I deserve a quick, easy, painless childbirth.

I had no idea if these affirmations were working, all I knew was that I would do my best to trust it and well… the results were not what I expected. It was so much more than I ever thought possible. Unimaginably amazing:
Watch the Birth of Elovie

With this experience I can no longer deny the power behind our thoughts, beliefs and even subconscious programming; such as reading the news, watching tv or engaging in conversations with friends. I know my experience is something most people do not relate to, but I wanted to share it, along with the powerful images and experience of these videos because I believe anyone and everyone can make their entire life experience whatever they think or believe it could be.

So what are you programming your subconscious mind with on a daily basis? How would you change your thoughts and feelings about certain aspects of life if you could?

~Marin
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If I Didn’t Love Myself…

…how could I love anyone?  On a physical level this concept is simple: if I can’t take care of myself, my body, how on earth can I do that for another.  It baffles me to see doctors and nurses smoking on break, or overweight P.E. teachers sending kids on laps.  Just doesn’t make sense.  On the other hand, you typically don’t see health conscious parents running around with obese kids.  They have passed along their love and respect for their own bodies to the ones they care about “most”.

How can I take care of another, if I myself need taking care of? Pretty simple.

The mental aspect takes a little more self honesty.  We as humans have a tendency to see in others what irks us most about ourselves.  Even if that’s not the case, whatever judgements you are holding against yourself that keep you from loving who you are won’t stop at introspection.  Bottom line is, if you can’t be accepting of your own perfect imperfections, how on earth can you begin to do that for another.  And what is love, but acceptance of something for what it is?  Letting go of the judgement against yourself frees your mind to do the same for others.

So my challenge to you is to teach others to love themselves by being the example, you will be amazed at the effect it has on those around you, especially the ones you care for most.

-Brett
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