She’s at it again, terrorizing the innocent Mr. Bingley, our 8 month old boston terrier. “My little two year old just doesn’t seem to get it, or worse yet doesn’t care,” I think to myself. Telling her no and prying her away to express my disapproval doesn’t teach her anything and my attempts at directing her from my comfy perch of preoccupation seem to go unheard. Whatever am I to do?
The question plagued Marin and I on more than one occasion in different scenarios. The simple answer took a quick minute to materialize for us… WE are the parents! So what does it mean to “parent” a child? Many words and concepts come to mind at the introduction of this question, but none seem more appropriate than “guide”. We are our children’s guides through this often hap hazard experience called life. Not their slave drivers nor their chariot drivers, but a third party participant with an vested interest in their health and happiness. We show them, in short, how to catch the biggest fish, where suitable shelter can be arranged and why staying downwind of Booboo and Yogi might be a good idea. We don’t however tell them they must, nor catch the fish for them, as that would be thwarting their experience and growth; key attributes to any journey.
So what do you do when Sally wants to pet the porcupine? You join her! Now bear with me cause this is where things get prickly. Sally wants to learn, so eager in fact that she has stepped into dangerous territory. Prime opportunity to show her how things can be done. Dive into her experience, guide her through it, allowing choices to be made autonomously when possible and being there to subtly correct or intervene IF necessary. For Marin and I this looks like sitting with our little girl when she wants to see our little pup. We can show her attention the little pup likes, be there to discourage the full on body-slamming hug that she wants to give him, and are present to explain why performing an eye or nose exam on any dog might be the type of prickly situation to avoid until they grow up to be the vet that they currently have their heart set on becoming.
Given this approach, children gain experience AND perspective, something far beyond rules. Yes. It takes time, but not as much time as telling them “no-this”, “yes-that” for years on end.
“Give a man fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.”
Thanks and much love, Brett
Kandu Koncepts 
your kid is either gonna grow up to be the perrrrfect the greatest human being or a very confused one, i dont know but i’m really rooting for you you’re great!
by the way does love has any playmates how do you socialize her with other children? i don’t think i’ve seen her playing with other kids in your videos
You are wonderful parents! I love your videos and Love is so gorgeous! Can’t wait to see your second child 🙂 Greetings from germany
Great points……! I think you guys are awesome parents and I know that you’ll do the best for both Love, Bing and the new baby…which I can hardly wait to meet!! I really LOVE seeing Love with her Baby and you are so right about the way she plays differently with each. I guess that’s a point I didn’t think about…but I’m glad you shared that!!
There is not doubt…you’ll adapt and it will always be done in such a caring and loving way. You’re wonderful parents and it’s truly a JOY to a tiny part of your life…! Thank you!!
We love that you’re a part of it Lisa! You’re company is a joy 🙂
Love the comments here and especially the bit about taking it as it comes and adapt to the changes the best we can from (this bit is my Fav) the heart 🙂 beautiful!!!
This is a hard one, as it’s vital she doesn’t hurt Bingley, and yet it’s so sweet that she wants to love and play with him too! Even so, you need to keep them both safe from each other…because you just never never know what a dog may do, if he’s hurt…..he may try to nip at her, to protect himself…and we all know he would not be the first dog to do this. Of course, Bingley is extremely well trained, but he is a dog…and a super cute one too!!
You’ll be facing the same challenge with a newborn and in that case it’s even MORE important that Love shares her love with the baby, but doesn’t hurt her…so I guess Bingley is where you start and try to teach her “about being gentle”…in little steps and how it can hurt Bingley when she does certain things. She is smart and I’m sure she can learn this, but it will take time, practice and patience, which can be hard.
I’m sure you guys will figure it all out, but it’s a challenge for sure and they’ll be many many more…..lessons to be learned and lessons learned! Hugs …..gentle hugs to you all!
Bingley’s energy doesn’t exude one of fragile-ness or fear. So Love plays with him because he is open & willing. She just doesn’t realize that he is smaller than her. So just like the street, dogs and kids ALWAYS need to be supervised when together.
Fortunately, Love takes her “baby” (doll) very serious and she is extremely picky and gentle with holding, rocking, nursing and even wearing it in the sling. It is so astounding how she seems to have natural motherly instincts. So we are not expecting or going to foreshadow any challenges with the newborn. Just as with all of life, it is what it is, we take it as it comes and adapt to the changes the best we can from the heart.
It’s all easy and an great privilege if we choose to approach it that way!
Hugs back to you 😉